Accepting that your spouse doesn't care about you

I don't know why I care. I don't know what makes anybody care for anything or anyone else. I only know that it is not a universal thing. Not only do we care for different things and different people but caring itself is unique for each person. Although it is difficult to quantify caring I have learned that it does indeed work completely different for some. Not only does it differ in amount but it can vastly differ in action. That is generally how I measure most things involving people, actions to me are the strongest indicator of who a person really is.

I don't want to bash anybody or say anything mean. I'm just hurt. I feel like I'm coming to a realization about this today but deep down I know that it has always been this way. I don't think my spouse is incapable of caring deeply, I just think that concept doesn't exist for them the same as it does for me. I don't need help often, and would never ask most people. When the person you are married to won't help you out with something that you can't get help from anyone else, it doesn't feel good. When they lash out at you for asking and accuse you dumping your issues on them, it just hurts.

The only thing I can do is accept it. It will never be equal, there will always be a barrier that will remain. Why it is this way doesn't matter, it is just important to remember this is what it is. I have a hard time finding the right words to express how empty it makes me feel.

I guess I always thought there would be a moment when caring and commitment would be returned. That is the thing I'm actually realizing, this is a one way exchange. There will never be a moment when I'm in need and my spouse recognizes that and gives priority. My friendship and caring are not part of a partnership. These things are only affirmation that my spouse is worthy and deserving of them. The lack of these from them is evidence that I'm not. These are the truths that the actions speak.